I was reading the news online today and stumbled upon the article on Oscar nominees and the scenes that got them the nomination. I then saw George Clooney’s scene… and I LOST it. I couldn’t stop crying. It was the kind of crying that was raw and intense; big fat tears streamed down my face. I even had to grab my phone and quickly opened up Facebook so I can get distracted enough to stop crying altogether. Even though I assumed that my story is nothing like “The Descendants” as I have not seen it, I could see similarities during that moment. The scene was a very powerful one, at least for me. George Clooney was saying goodbye to his wife who looked like she could be on her death bed. The moment when he gave her a kiss and said, “Goodbye my love, my friend, my pain, my joy… “, I could feel the tears falling. It reminded me of what I thought would be the last time I saw my husband as he ended our marriage that one night. At that moment, I knew that I would never want to see him again. I was already making plans to move away and be gone from his life forever. What Clooney’s character must have felt inside during that scene, I understood completely.
Soon it will be 2 years since my Discovery-Day, more like Death Day. Everything is as normal as it could be post Affair times and we are still getting along superbly. I don’t make a habit of crying like this everyday but yes, there are always these moments that would knock you down quite a bit, emotionally. And even though I don’t get depressed when thinking about the Affair (well, mostly), I still do think about some aspect of it EVERY SINGLE DAY. This has not yet stopped. Something just clicked in my mind either the first moment when I woke up or when I go to sleep or anytime in between; I never fail to think about it. I don’t know how long this will last but I do want it to end.
I wanted to write many times before today but time is too valuable these days. This I thought was short and important enough for me to record in my blog. I’m sure I will be writing again soon around that 2 year mark. I hope everyone is doing better and in this new year, I hope we all do what is best for us, especially for our healing. (And I hope George Clooney will win Best Actor too)
Tags: affair, affair recovery, back together, cheating, D-day, George Clooney, infidelity, new beginning, stay at home Mom, The Descendants
Fighter!
So good to hear from you. Somehow I didn’t receive notification of this post, and just happened to stop by for a visit…
Everyone has been telling me to see that movie, but the trailer left me feeling like it was something I wouldn’t be able to handle. Not yet anyway…
I’m glad things are going well for you. I talked to a coworker the other day who is also a betrayed spouse. It’s been 12 years for her and she says she still thinks of it at some point every day, even though they’ve 3 kids since then and he has never shown signs of hurting her again. I wonder if it ever really goes away.
Take care! Looking forward to hearing from you again!
DJ
Hey there DJ!
12 years, wow… I’m happy that they’ve made it this far. I hope we’ll all have happy endings like that. I’m not surprised that she’s still thinking of it every day. I can see myself doing that too, like it or not. I think for me, it’ll never go away.
Unfortunately, I’m thinking about it a bit more these days as we enter March. This was the time when they got closer and closer to each other and then by mid march; they did the dirty. Ugh. I have April 5th marked on my calendar for D-Day and of course I’ll be thinking about everything that happened in April, May and so on during that year. Although it has been 2 years + a baby, it still feels like it just happened. I’m torn wether I should tell my husband what I’m going through because I don’t want him to feel bad too. He does notice when I get quiet or annoyed though.
Ugh. Every year we have to go through this crap. I just want to fast forward to June. When will it be over!
So good to hear from you my friend! I know things have been difficult for you lately, I wish you much peace and happiness. Take care.
Hi Fighter,
2 years is not a long time – we will both get better, but I don’t think I will ever go away, either.
My husband also notices when I get quiet and depressed. He tries to help but… I don’t know… it’s not helping much right now.
Right now I am struggling to accept that this is my life. This is the kind of husband I married. There is no going back.
But I know I will get better. It’s just a matter of time and diligence.
When I pray, I imagine my prayer with the power of a thousand stars zooming like a beam of light into Heaven. And then God sends His blessings down like little snowflakes floating all around the people I prayed for. Those snowflakes are reaching you right now, Fighter. I am praying for you every day.
DJ